Besides beer and wine and whiskey, there’s another liquid source of Travel Agent fuel that keeps the brain cogs firing on all cylinders and helps ensure PNRs get ticketed and reservations get paid in full.

That liquidly gold is called coffee. And whether you take it black, white or in every shade in between, it’s the fuel that’s gets you though the day.

But get this: the item that you gravitate towards on the coffee menu at your local cafe says an awful lots about your inner workings, such as whether you’re a closeted hipster, an out and about eagle, or just someone who likes their coffee like their clients: simple, straight to the point, and with no bullshit.

Here’s what your brew says about you.

 

1. Black / Americano

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If it wasn’t obvious from stern look on your face and your natural tendency to ask for the booking within five minutes of meeting a new prospective, it’s obvious from how you take your coffee: you’re totally all about the sale.

As a black coffee drinker, you simply don’t have the time nor patience to piss fart around engaging in small talk.

 

2. Espresso

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Put a black coffee drinker on a famil to Italy and there’s a 90 percent chance they’ll come back as an espresso drinker.

If you thought black coffee drinkers were intense and straight to the point, you ain’t seen nothing until you’ve worked alongside an espresso drinker.

These guys don’t believe in savouring the taste of their coffee, but instead believe in using it as mere fuel to propel them into double-digit sales targets for the month.

 

3. Latte

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As a latte drinker, you’ve already planted yourself firmly on the leading road to hipsterdom. Whether it’s the French origins of the name of the fact that it’s often served in a different glass, this drink screams pretentiousness, and as an agent that indulges in the milky brew, you’re part of the problem!

Indeed, latte drinkers are renowned for their conditional coffee drinking: soy please; extra hot; skinny; etc.

FFS, just drink the bloody coffee and be done with it, okay?!

 

4. Flat White

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As a Flat White drinker, you’re either a totally patriotic Aussie or Kiwi (the origins of this brew are contested FYI) or just someone who loves their coffee white but can’t deal with the fuss and pretentious of a cappuccino or latte.

I mean, a Flat white is pretty much a latte or cappuccino, only there’s no froth, no fuss and maximum coffee. This brew is the staple of the Aussie travel industry.

 

5. Machiato

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Machiato drinkers are actually in transition. They’ve gone beyond the pretentious of being latte sipping hipsters and have realised that the real money to be made is in the realm of the espresso drinker.

However, they’re not really ready to go fully black and brutal, so they hold onto that splash of milk like a life raft in a sea of black. Eventually they’ll submit themselves to the espresso, but it won’t be without some resistance and confusing looks from co-workers who have never heard of this particular brew.

Do you agree with these totally generalised coffee stereotypes? Let us know if you’re the exception to the rule in the comments below.