O’Captain shares his personal account of The Flight Centre Global Gathering in Hawaii. From what he remembers anyway.
There is a distinct possibility that some of this story may have been dramatised for effect.
Or maybe it didn’t happen at all. Was I even in Hawaii? A week on, i’m still not sure.
It all felt like one big ‘Aloha dream.’
But what a dream.
AND SO IT BEGAN…
Twas the night before Global, when all through Waikiki,
Not a word rhymes with Waikiki, except maybe ‘Heike’,
The Flighties came out with flowers in their hair,
Leis around their neck, and sarongs tied fricken anywhere.
With mama in her quicksilver, and me in my mambo,
I let big spirit run free, because I went commando,
When all of a sudden, there came such a clatter,
I was already in the pool, so I could empty my bladder.
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I spied Mark Ronson, in DJing, he’s top shelf,
And lost my s*hit when I saw him, in spite of myself,
With a wink of his eye, he turned the After Party up a notch,
Don’t believe me just watch.
‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you,
‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you,
‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you,
Don’t be leaving tater tots.
Gave a lustre at midnight, the Friday night will be remembered for generations,
With those swimming in the pool, given free artificial inseminations,
And when the sun rose up, the Flighties started to roam,
Some heading to “Big Spirit U”, and some still getting home.
Tom Walley started the conference as only Tom Walley can,
With a song and a dance routine straight out of La La Land,
More rapid than eagles, Skroo’s global empire they came,
And Tom whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
“Now Canada! now, UAE! now, India and Holland!
On, Europe! On, Australia! On Mexico and New Zealand!
To the top of novices! to the top of the stores!
I embarrassed the hell out of anybody who snored.
Mr Flight Centre himself #skroo #flightcentre #fctgglobalgathering #hawaii2017 ????????????
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With a twinkling in his eye, Etihad played St. Nicholas,
And a lucky Flightie got a gift that was so generous it was ridiculous,
But soon every Flighty there got a gift from St. Etihad-y,
And as he walked off the stage, he whispered, “Now who is your daddy!”
The Air NZ Maori Dancers once again took every ones’ breath away,
And made lesbians turn straight, and straight men turn gay,
But the highlight of the day was the former Commander in Chief,
Bill Clinton — This Global was now beyond belief.
As the Sun went down, to the ball went the great looking mobs,
The Justice Crew made most of the men there feel like fat $%$%ing slobs,
The Bondi Hipsters looked to be the night’s MC’s,
But Jane Lynch soon took over, and the Glee fans shouted out with, uh, glee.
Sue Sylvester is our MC for the night! Bless her. #fctg #hawaii
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Duran Duran came on with a massive cheer from those of Gen X,
Whilst the millennials retreated, the Gen Xers re-re-re-reflexed,
When DJ Fergie came on, every Flightie male sported a massive bulge as they danced,
Not because they were excited, but because they had a golden pineapple centrepiece stuck down their pants.
And global felt bittersweet, as for many it was their last goodbye,
For Sue, Rod, Marg and others I’ve known forever, it brought a tear to my eye,
And a tear rolled down my cheek, as my lips formed a good bye kiss pucker,
I gave them the traditional and heartfelt Flight Centre Hawaiian good bye, in “Aloha and Mahalo, you amazing mutha #$#$ers”.
In the morn, they sprang to their planes, knowing KAW and CI Events always delivers,
And away they flew, nursing their heads and their livers,
But we heard them exclaim, as they flew out of our sights,
“Wir fahren nach Berlin und danke schön, Skroo for an unforgettable two days and two nights.”