Vegans are often misunderstood, mocked and/or admired. And although some are a tad too loud in blowing the vegan trumpet, others prefer to keep to themselves…
They walk, talk and even work amongst us: Vegan travel agents!
If you suspect someone in your office is a closet vegan, here are seven clues you may be right…
1. THEIR COFFEE RUNS TAKE EVER SO LONG…
The next time it’s someone’s turn in the office to go on a coffee run, get your stopwatch out and time how long it takes one of your colleagues to get the hot brew.
Why? Because vegans, by far, take the longest time getting coffee, and that isn’t because they’re particularly slow walkers or get lost easily.
It’s actually because they spend at least five minutes grilling the barista on what kind of milk they can get in their flat white because they don’t drink cow’s milk like you or me…
14.23 – Suspected vegan travel agent volunteers to go get coffee.
14.25 – Suspected vegan travel agent walks up to the counter of a local cafe.
14.26 – Suspected vegan travel agent order the store’s coffee.
14.27 – Suspected vegan travel agent begins ordering their own coffee…
“Hi. Do you have almond milk? What about oat? How about hemp, rice or even pea milk? …
No? Okay, I’ll just get soy then.
14.52 – Suspected vegan travel agent arrives back in the store, wielding a tray of coffees.
2. THEY’RE THE ONLY ONES IN THE OFFICE THAT CAN PRONOUNCE QUINOA PROPERLY
They’re also spot on with the proper pronunciation of acai, seitan and Daiya.
3. THEY LOOK HUNGOVER, BUT THEY DON’T DRINK…
That glassy-eyed plead with one of your colleagues to turn the music down in the morning wasn’t caused by the heroic drinking session that only ended at 3 am that very morning.
And no, their paleness, fatigue and headache isn’t the work of continual alcohol abuse – because they don’t even drink.
No, the reason they’re looking hungover AF is that they’re vegans and are seriously lacking in iron!**
4. THEY’RE THE FIRST ONES TO OFFER TO “TAKE CARE” OF A SPIDER
Vegans are against cruelty to all animals, including spiders.
If someone in the office is always the first to offer to “take care” of a spider situation, take note.
That travel agent is probably a vegan, and you can be damn sure they won’t be killing it.
5. THEY HAVE DREADLOCKS…
Yah man, this $hit be da truth…
6. THEY GET WAY TOO EXCITED WHEN SOMEONE MENTIONS TOFU
*Suspected vegan travel agent jumps up and down.*
7. THEY WON’T WORK WITHIN 2KM OF A BUTCHER
Vegan travel agents are just as happy to cover a travel agent’s shift at a neighbouring store, that is unless said store sits within 2km of butchers, milk bar, or any shop selling eggs.
**IMPORTANT: Please, please, please don’t get me wrong: I totally admire vegans and think they’re actually the noblest of humans. This article was just written for a bit of fun, so please don’t hate me.
What are some other telltale signs that you’re actually working with a vegan? Tell us in the comments below!
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