“At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.” – Frank Costanza
This article is four months too late. Normally celebrated on 23 December, Festivus started in the home of Seinfeld writer Dan O’Keefe and was depicted in the show as a Costanza family tradition.
At Festivus, celebrants participate in ‘Feats of Strength’ (which I feel advisors practice on the reg. Airline hold times anyone?) and the ‘Airing of Grievances’.
According to George Costanza, his father would start the proceedings.”I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it!” And so would begin a tirade of all his disappointments suffered throughout the year.
While it may sound like a recipe for disaster, the ‘Airing of Grievances’ can actually be a healthy and helpful tool for improving communication and resolving conflicts.
- It allows you to express your feelings. Bottling up your emotions can lead to resentment and frustration, which can cause more harm than good in the long run. By speaking up and sharing your grievances in a respectful way, you give yourself the opportunity to be heard and understood.
- It can prevent misunderstandings and miscommunication. Conflicts often arise because of a lack of clear communication or different perspectives. By expressing your grievances, you can clarify your point of view and ensure that everyone is on the same page.
- It can lead to greater empathy and understanding. When you share your concerns with someone else, they have the opportunity to see things from your perspective and better understand your needs and wants. This can lead to greater compassion and cooperation, as people work together to find solutions that work for everyone involved.
Constructive complaining is a thing
Dr Amy Cooper Hakim says that while complaining for complaining’s sake isn’t particularly useful, when it’s coupled with some constructive suggestions, it can be a powerful tool in our arsenal.
She suggests removing emotion and including suggestions for improvement when making a complaint. She also recommends complaining to the right person (your boss, rather than client for instance) at the right time (say during a performance review, rather than via a LinkedIn post).
Institutionalise it
Some organisations call it a $#!t List, others have regularly scheduled Transgression Sessions. Whatever you call it, airing your grievances can not only be therapeutic, it can lead to effective solutions. But you have to do it right.
- Be honest and direct. It’s important to be clear and specific about your grievances, but also be mindful of the other person’s feelings and perspective.
- Listen actively to their response. It’s important to listen to their side of the story and be open to compromise and negotiation. By approaching the situation with empathy and respect, you can create a space where everyone feels heard and valued.
- Keep it light-hearted. While Festivus may be a bit of a joke, it’s important to remember that the ‘Airing of Grievances’ is meant to be a light-hearted way to express your feelings. So don’t take yourself too seriously, and try to keep things positive and constructive.
Who’s on your $#!t List? Is it the client who demands an urgent booking but then doesn’t answer your emails? Is it the airline with which you spend more time on hold than you do sleeping?
It may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes a good whine can actually be the key to feeling better. So, the next time you’re feeling like a sour grape, pop the cork and have a whine. Cheers to a happier, healthier, and more honest you!
