O'Captain

Ninety-nine percent of travel people are simply awesome at Facebook. They’re giving reviews, checking in at the airport, taking inspiring photos, checking in at the airport, capturing pictures at events & checking in at the airport.

Most of us use social media for good. But there are a few amongst us (none of which are KARRYON readers obviously) who just suck.

These sycophants do what they can do to create likes, shares, and emojis, and their constant attention seeking generally leads to them being the first to be unfollowed.

Here are the top 10 greatest of the transgressors – make sure you tag a mate:

Disclaimer: The following people are fictitious; any similarity with any of O’Captain’s Facebook friends is purely coincidental.

 

1. The Cliff Hanger

The most incredible thing ever happened to him today. Big changes ahead. New Beginnings. Likes to change his relationship statuses every Tuesday.

A new role with STA. Managing a new Helloworld. Going to be FTL at TBA. Can’t wait to tell you, but can’t tell you #$#$ing now.

 

2. The Bittersweet Sympathy

karryon-newspaper-on-fire

Image: Elijah O’Donnell/Unsplash

Today is the 14th anniversary of the day her budgie died. She’s sick. It’s another Saturday night alone. Flat tire on her car. She just missed out on global. Can’t figure out why she can’t meet someone (nobody is keen to tell her it’s because she’s the lead balloon to happiness).

 

3. The Facebook Activist

karryon-clueless-gif

Sign her petition to end cat juggling in Mexico. A reminder, today is International Our Ancestors Were A-Holes Day. 99% of People won’t share this fake news story, but she’ll #$#$ing will 100% of the #$#$ing time. She’s never actually been to a protest, donated to a worthy cause, etc., but she’s the Mother #$#$ing Teresa of Facebook.

Signing a Facebook petition is akin to rolling down the windows in your car and putting the air conditioner on to fight global warming.

 

4. Lorem Ipsum

karryon-shut-your-mouth-igf

Lorem thinks he has the gift of the gab, but in reality, he has the curse of not knowing when to STFU. Didn’t last on Twitter due to the fact that he was 140 characters in before he even knew he was tweeting.

Lorem Ipsum is generally in sales, and the last BDM you want to see coming through your door when it’s ten minutes to beer o’clock on a Friday arvo.

 

5. Jenius with a capital ‘J’

karryon-such-a-genius-gif

Can you name an Australian state with an ‘A’ in it? 99% of the people cannot, but this guy can. He can barely keep his intelligence a secret in the day-to-day world, but on Facebook, his high double-digit IQ really shines.

Bad enough on social media, but a guaranteed loss for your team if he’s at any travel industry trivia function.

 

6. Phil Osopha

karryon-peace-dude

Phil just enjoys reflecting on sunsets, and the feel of sand between his toes, and smoking copious amount of pot. Will travel to exotic lands and get a tattoo of the Japanese symbol for “Head Lice.”

Most people take selfies, Phil takes ‘Inner-Selfies’. Will take a picture of himself meditating next to the Asian equivalent of Shaggy from Scooby Doo or staring deeply into space, with a quote from the Dalai Lama.

But the absolute worst is when he takes a picture of himself sleeping and then claims somebody else took it: “I thought you looked cute sleeping, so I took a picture of you”, said nobody EVER.

Easy enough to ignore of Facebook, but definitely avoid the Zen Master when you’re trying to get drunk or pick up at an industry function.

 

7. The Train Wreck

karryon-train-wreck-gif

Alcohol and social media do not mix… but don’t tell the train wreck. Whether she’s taking a completely inappropriate photo, having a dig at her ex or her boss, or confessing her love for her Covermore Insurance BDM, the train wreck makes for good reading.

Posts generally start late at night and get progressively worse (with each drink), and generally capped off with a 3.00am post, looking something like, “Fug Rand $ r6 Super firl!”

Thankfully, due to Facebook, a train wreck can piece together where she went the night before, where she got the “Kanye” tattoo, and narrow it down to three who the father is.

We desperately want to unfollow her, but let’s be honest, it’s so hard to look away from the train wreck.

 

8. Before & Before

karryon-running-guy-gif

He’s constantly posting about riding, running, going to the gym etc. He constantly takes pictures of his low carb quinoa and tree bark super juice.

He registers every run he does, and generally, it’s in the shape of a big giant phallic symbol. Then he’s taking a photo of himself wearing lycra, and you can’t help but notice the shape of what looks to be a small, insignificant phallic symbol.

But there’s no After to his Before. In fact, his After looks like it’s the Before to his Before. How can somebody spend so much time exercising, be on strict kale and wheat grass diet and look like #$#$?

He’s the Benjamin Button of Fitness. Always comes into work or any function talking about the F45 session he just completed.

 

9. Sir Spams A Lot

‘Quantas’ is giving away a Million Frequent Flyer Points Who Share This Post.

‘P n’ O Cruises’ are giving away free cruises to anyone that comments on this post.

Elton John is dead. If you drink diet coke with a Golden Gaytime ice cream bar, it is the equivalent of Viagra.

If there’s a hoax to spread, Sir Spams A Lot is the fake news herpes.

 

10. The Big Noter

karryon-taking-photo-on-phones-social-media

Image: Elijah O’Donell/Unsplash

Jetstar, seat 1A. Free upgrade to a suite on Cunard. Checking in from the Rex Lounge at Sydney Domestic Airport, drinking an XXXX.

At Emirates Marquee at the Melbourne Cup. Life is good, look at my view from work today (enter beach shot).

The most detested of travel Facebook friends, and there’s nobody worse than this notorious travel big noter: http://facebook.com/profile.php?=733

 

Is there anyone you know who falls under these personality types? Tag a mate below who’ll immediately understand the person you’re thinking of.