There’s always ‘that one’ person on a famil. The one that you try to avoid sitting next to on long drives or meeting at the breakfast buffet. And if you can’t figure out who that person is, either you’ve lucked out and scored a spot on the best famil ever, or, I’m sorry to say, but ‘that one’ is probably you.
Famils are organised travel for those who organise travel for a living. They are group travel for those who rarely travel in groups. They are comprised of successful travel sellers who make it their business to be the best of the best.
So what happens when you put a group of these people together? Most of the time, a fantastically fun fam. But then there’s always ‘that one’ person.
1. THE FUSSPOT
Their food preferences outrival Meg Ryan’s from When Harry Met Sally. Forget that they’re in a remote village in Malaysia, how dare the hosts not provide three different white tea options at all meals? We won’t even mention the pillow menu and the thread count of the sheets.
2. THE LOVER
If you’re not on Tinder in Djibouti are you even on Tinder? Travel is romantic and exciting and the world is full of beautiful and inspiring people. You do not have to sleep with them all. Not in a plane, not in a restaurant bathroom, not in a hotel hallway. But The Lover does not care. Often famil organisers turn a blind eye to the odd dalliance. It’s when that dalliance interferes with the smooth running of the famil or their relationships with suppliers that problems arise. ‘Love’ in your free time with ‘free’ people. Discreetly.
3. THE DEBBIE DOWNER
While there are strong similarities between The Fusspot and The Debbie Downer, the latter is far worse for they can never be appeased. In fact, it might seem like they don’t even want to be there. Identified by their constant frown or look of disdain, it is best to avoid The Debbie Downer or face a wall of negativity. No sunrise is worth getting up early for, no sand is white enough, no food tasty enough. They will bring you down with one snide remark and dismiss a country based on the wine pairing at dinner. If they’re in any form of a queue, it is to complain.
4. THE LATE-TO-THEIR-OWN-FUNERAL ONE
When you are asked to meet in the lobby at 7am for a transfer to the airport, these people saunter down at 7.30. And then they still have to check out or “just pop into the buffet for a croissant”. Feel free to book these folk a wake up call, or help them set an alarm two hours earlier than necessary.
5. THE TERRIBLE PACKER
These people have simultaneously over- and under-packed. Their bags are overweight and yet they still haven’t brought sunscreen…for an island-hopping fam. You can spot The Terrible Packer by their inappropriate clothing and fondness for high heels no matter what the activity or terrain. Cobblestones are an Olympic sport for them.
6. THE FREEBIE HUNTER
Their bags are full of swag. If a meal is not provided, they may feel forced to dig into the stash of gifted chocolates they were saving to give the folk in the office back home. Or you may find them wandering the hotel corridors and picking from the trays left outside of rooms.
7. THE KNOW-IT-ALL
They’ve never been to Japan but know everything there is to know about it. Even more than the guide who actually lives there. They will also give the most advice on child rearing, relationships and your neighbour Kenny.
8. THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE
These people like to pick an argument. They like to turn dinner conversation into heated arguments and spout controversial ideas just to get a rise out of someone. You can spot them huddled over their phones leaving nasty comments anonymously on strangers’ posts.
9. THE LUSH
When the rest of you are swirling and sipping your way through a wine tasting, they have sculled a full glass. They are the first to suggest pre- and post-dinner drinks and mimosas in the morning. They are often the perkiest ones at breakfast because what is excessive drinking to you is just Tuesday to them.
10. THE OVER-SHARER
You know too much about their relationships, their hopes and dreams, fears and frustrations. And their sexual preferences.
And the one you want to travel with
Despite the many stories you have from your famils about ‘that one’, famils also connect you to people who can come to be meaningful to your life. They are professional and have great career advice. Or they’re Mama-bears and have a Panadol or a mint at the ready. Or you just get on so well, you now count them as one of your best friends. For every ‘that one’ you encounter, luckily, you’re more likely to run into these folk. Enjoy your next fam!
