Selamat Datang Sentosa Island! Trump and Kim (and their entourages) are here to make sweet music at Capella on their very own historic Megafam.
President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un (and their few thousand strong security details) are holding their game changing pow wow at the exclusive Capella Resort on Sentosa Island in Singapore.
So if you’ve got clients there, you may want to change their plans ASAP as the island has gone into full ‘Megafam’ mode.
Uh oh. You know what that means…
Noisy room neighbours partying late into the night, loud groups in reception wearing coloured caps and branded backpacks, stinky hungover people slowly trawling the breakfast buffet and strange men in the trees wearing camouflage clothes pointing guns at people. Eh?
And of course, these kinds of wacky sights on your morning jog.
As Kim Jong Un drove away from the early session of his summit with South Korean President Moon Jae-in, 12 bodyguards were seen running beside the vehicle https://t.co/55GwTNXwAt pic.twitter.com/UDhPfZPY6s
— CNN (@CNN) April 27, 2018
The ‘official’ purpose of this historic networking event is that Trump wants to persuade the cheeky North Korean dictator to give up his country’s nuclear toys in exchange for relief from U.S. economic sanctions.
But like, whatever, we know what’s really going on here…
This is THE MEGAFAM of MEGAFAMS…
KARRYON has learnt from insider sources on the island that outside of their ‘bizness’ networking formalities, Trump and Kim have an action-packed Megafam planned of epic proportions in the happy place they’ve both wanted to visit for years.
Here’s our take on some of the exciting bonding opportunities they’ll probably be getting up to;
SEGWAY TIME BABY!
What better way to explore Sentosa and get over the jetlag than with a thrilling Segway tour around the 4,7km tropical island.
This is a ‘tow the line’ tour though so let’s hope the boys don’t get competitive and race each other or there could be tears!
GOIN’ CRAY CRAY AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
Universal Sentosa has something for everyone so who knows, maybe characters will be transformed, and despots and dinosaurs conquered as the boys explore and roar to their heart’s content.
We’re guessing the boys will give the gift shop a good work out too along with frequent burger, shakes and coke spider pit stops at All-American Diner, Mel’s Drive-in.
DEEP DIVIN’ IN THE SHARK TANK
The main tank at the S.E.A Aquarium on Sentosa is one of the biggest in the world, holding enough water to fill more than 17 Olympic sized swimming pools.
So the boys are going to love diving into the ‘Shark Seas’ tank that plays home to over 200 sharks to share a squeaky bum moment amongst these fearsome predators.
If they can conquer their fears together, they can overcome anything.
GETTIN’ DIGGETY IN DA CLUB
All that talking and listening is tough on the old brain cells and quite frankly – BLOODY BORING.
So later on in the night, it’ll be time to hit Sentosa’s uber cool Tanjung Beach Club to let off some steam with their respective squads and some selected ‘VIP’ party people.
We’re picturing a dance floor scene mash-up of Gangnam Style and the Venga Boys meets Tina Turner doing Nutbush City Limits.
It’s gonna be huge.
SELFIE TIME WITH MERLION
There’s only room for one legend on Sentosa, and that’s Singapore’s unofficial mascot – The Merlion.
So it goes without saying that both Trump and Kim will be snapping plenty of Merlion selfies on their Megafam to keep their Insta feed fans and Singapore Tourism happy.
Question is… Will either of them tag the other in? Or end up blocking each other?
FLYING AIRFORCE ONE
Who needs the space or arms race when you can fly as free as a bird at iFly Singapore? This awesome high flying experience is bound to be one of the Megafam highlights and will see both Trump and Kim hitting super G limits in true free-fall conditions.
The time it takes for each skydive is like falling through the air from 12,000 to 3,000 feet so there’ll be a natural fall from grace for both of them as they mull over the day’s conversations.
“See ya at the bottom Don!”
HANGIN’ WITH RODMAN
Rodman is da man.
Former Chicago Bulls NBA legend/very unofficial U.S Ambassador and bro of Kim Jong Un, Dennis Rodman has been personally invited on the Megafam to keep both hotheads on point throughout the trip.
Rodman will also be Emceeing the Gala Awards night with both Trump and Kim likely up for Awards in the ‘Most popular’ and ‘Best Insta shot of the MegaFam’ categories.
Widely seen as Kim’s Yin to Trumps Yang, Rodman aims to bring some balance to the trip and ensure egos are peacefully kept in check.
Regardless of who wins the awards.
THE USUAL FAM RULES APPLY
If Trump and Kim think they will be getting out of the Capella property inspection, they are in for a rude awakening that will be absolute #fakenews.
After arriving at Capella, the group will go on a 2-hour tour of the resort including all categories of rooms and the Conference Centre and spa. They’ll then sit down for an hour-long Powerpoint presentation on the history of the hotel.
A welcome drink and cool towel have been promised at the end of the inspection along with a quiz on what they’ve seen so let’s hope they pay attention.
The winner of the quiz will get to stay in the Presidential Suite as there’s only one. We predict tantrums from the loser.
All up, it promises to be an amazing Megafam and boost for Singapore Tourism and we just can’t wait to hear all about it!
IMPORTANT NOTE: This is a KarryOn Comedy article and is obviously satire. It should in no way be taken seriously – unless you want to that is.
What do you think Trump and Kim will get up to on Sentosa? Share your thoughts below.
Share this story