Ever wondered why some people always seem to get what they want while others get zip? Turns out it’s all about language modelling. Say what?!
I was first introduced to the concept that I could make positive changes to my world through language when I was attending a detox retreat in Thailand.
If you find yourself signing up to pay not to eat and stick coffee up your bum, you’ll most likely find that you’re open to trying other new and undiscovered technics to better yourself too.
That was how I found myself in a session with Mark England, an Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner and founder of Empowered Language.
Although Mark was using EFT to work through some of the other baggage I’d bought to Thailand (alongside my underwear, togs and jandals) he was also repeatedly getting me to rephrase what I was saying. “I don’t want to date someone weak” became, “I want to date someone strong.”
And when I commented that I was never ever lucky, I was told that the inevitable outcome of my statement was that I would never be lucky. Of course.
Mark England talking up language modelling
Having captured my curiosity (who doesn’t want to be lucky?), at the end of our session I asked to find out more. Mark explained that there was a golden rule of language modelling – Only Speaking in Terms of What You Want (OSITOW… ah forget it) and that it was insanely important to apply it.
He explained, “The three main building blocks we create our inner world with (which eventually manifests as our outer world) are our thoughts, the pictures we make in our mind, and the feelings we feel in our body. Only Speaking in Terms of What We Want aligns all three at the same time and that’s a very good thing.”
An example of this would be if you are feeling a bit run down. One way to phrase it (the most common way to be honest) is to say, “Aaaghh I feel like crap and I really don’t want to get sick.” Unfortunately when you say this, you subconsciously make a picture in your mind of you being sick which creates a similar weak feeling in your body.
Not only that, I, as your tolerant and attentive friend, also subconsciously picture that too. Damn, I’m not as good a friend as I thought.
Alternatively, you can put a spin on it and talk about what you want, not what you don’t. “I want to be healthy and strong” ignites a picture in your head of you being just that… and this fires somewhere in my brain too. Yay, that’s better. This creates feelings of strength for both your body and mind which will help you get better.
It might sound crazy that not only are you helping yourself get what you want but so am I, and your mum, and your bestie, and maybe even your ex-boyfriend that you’re really not still supposed to be in contact with.. But it’s true. Mark explains, “Because we are all tapped into the same field of intelligence, and we are in constant communication with it, the more people that you get in your life making pictures of what you want the more likely it is that you’re going to get it.”
When I first listened to Mark explain this I thought it sounded like rubbish but when I left Koh Samui, I diligently took home my two-page print out and pasted it to my bathroom wall.
Every morning for 30 mornings, I read the simple text about language modelling and how it could (and would) change my life. After a couple of mornings, I started to hear myself talking and blimey, I was speaking in the negative far more than the positive (this was rather disappointing).
After I started catching my ineffectual dribble I began to rephrase my sentences on the spot and slowly alter years of speaking how we almost all do. When you start noticing that it’s not just you but everyone around you, you realise it’s ingrained in us from an early age “Don’t forget to take your packed lunch to school.” “Don’t be late.” “Don’t make me mad.” As a society, it’s how we communicate.
It was about 10 days into the month that I began to notice a difference. It all started with a last-minute ticket being offered to New Zealand Fashion Week – somewhere I’d always yearned to go – and it ended in me winning a holiday to a festival in Melbourne! Yep, a mother-flipping HOLIDAY!
Who knows where language modelling might get you…
Suddenly I was being invited to cool events, being given wicked freebies, winning prizes left right and centre and being considered lucky by my peers. And what’s amazing is that it was true, being lucky attracted more luck.
Don’t believe me? Why not give it a try… print out this blog and post it somewhere memorable and for 30 days read it whilst you are brushing your teeth, or on the loo, or oil pulling… wherever it fits into your routine. Take the time to change your language as the concept sinks in and soon you’ll not only be speaking in the positive but also hearing how other people are talking. It’s fascinating.
What happens when you speak in terms of what you want?
- You’re talking about what you want i.e. speaking your truth
- You’re making pictures in your mind of what you want
- You’re creating feelings in your body about having what you want
- Everyone that hears what you say will make pictures of you getting it
- Everyone that hears what you say will create good feelings in themselves and ‘attach’ it to you
- You’re energy will become clearer
- You will feel better
- If you do it for long enough it will become a habit
- People in your life will feel better because you’re feeling better
- Eventually you will create a significantly more positive world around you
- You will probably live longer
- You will probably have more fun
- You’ll probably have more money
- You’ll probably make friends easier
- You’ll probably get more invitations to do cool things
- You’ll probably have better digestion
- You’ll probably eat less
- You’ll probably travel more
- You’ll probably sleep better
- It will probably seem like doors just magically open for you
- You’ll probably laugh more
- You’ll probably smile more
- You’ll probably have more insights into interesting things
- You’ll probably see more opportunities around you
…the list goes on.
Do you use positive language and reap the benefits? Share your experiences below…
This article originally appeared on LinkedIn