O’Captain is back and this week he goes to the bottom with what travel ads say and what they ACTUALLY mean. Yes, wi-fi is available, however a Facebook post will cost you $5.00.


Part 1


Is celebrity endorsement always what it’s cracked up to be? Image source: Daily Mail UK

We show you the real Japan

Our competitors take you to Lego Japan.

24 Hour Sale*

Sale available today only, otherwise you have to wait till tomorrow’s 48 hour sale which is available for two days, or the 72 hour sale which is right after the 48 hour sale, which goes for three days. Sorry, wait, our 72 hour sales is starting with 6 hours left in the 48 hour sale; so technically, it’s just a 42 hour sale, then the 72 hour sale. Or it’s a 48 hour sale with a 66 hour sale, whatever. And then there will be another 24 sale after that. *Is not combinable with any other sale


This is how babies are made at Stereosonic

We provide real life experiences

$$#$ Off, Zombies!

Wi-Fi Available

Yes, wi-fi is available.   A Facebook post will cost you $5.00, an email with an attachment $10.00, every left swipe on Tinder will cost you $8.00, and every right swipe on Tinder will cost you $114.00. ($8.00 for the swipe, $6.00 for the musk scented heated friction jelly lube glow in the dark studded tickler tipped condom from the vending machine in the lobby, $30.00 for the 4 UDL’s from the mini-bar, and $70.00 for room service breakfast for two because you are, indeed, a gentleman and probably more so because you are using your corporate card).

Famous Celebrity Says…..

Famous Celebrity says, you know, I’m just not getting the work I used to, and couldn’t get on “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here” or “The Celebrity Apprentice” or even on “Dancing with the $#$%ing Stars.” Do you know who was on “Dancing?” Nikki Webster, Nikki #$#$ing Webster, that’s who, and I can’t get that gig. Anyways, I need a pay check, and I’ll say whatever these people want me to say…

Personally escorted by…

We’re sending Lisa, the one with a slight overbite, who sits in the corner, and doesn’t speak to anybody and lacks any sense of personal space, she will be joining you on this tour (because Candy went last year and Barbara is being performance managed over an incident that happened at the Visit USA function).

Culturally Enriched

You’re the only white guy.

For Travellers, Not For Tourists

Actually, anybody with money can book this tour.

For the young and young at heart

Have a heart? Have money?   You can go.


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Big, Epic, Game Changer, Wow Sale

Same, Same, Same, Same Sale

We offer Australian Modern Contemporary design with Elegant Luxury, with European Sophistication, post-war Victorian renaissance opulence, with traditional avant-garde subtleties blended with an essence of African Dadaism.

Somebody in our marketing department likes themselves a bit too much, drinks a bit too much wine, and thinks they work for an art museum/architecture firm/Fine Dining Restaurant/Jazz Club.

Do you have any examples you would like to add to the list?