KarryOn speaks to Liz Stringer, Founder and Managing Director of Cleopatra, on the pressure to perform while on holiday.
Anna* looked away from the sea view window to turn and face her partner who was standing, rather awkwardly, in the bedroom-slash-loungeroom of their hotel room.
“I knew what we were both thinking but I just wasn’t up to it,” she says.
“Still, it was a holiday and this is what we were supposed to do.”
Anna slept with her partner that morning. They also had a go at it before dinner.
After dinner, although Anna wanted to curl into bed and watch pay-per-view movies, she felt inclined to sit in the bath tub with him.
“I felt like I had to have sex twice a day because we had forked out so much money on our holiday suite and had finally organised time off work,” she says.
By the time the holiday was over Anna felt exhausted and in need of, what she refers to as, a holiday from her holiday.
“Granted. Couples should be having more sex but when is enough, enough?” She says.
According to Liz Stringer, herbal healer, Founder and Managing Director of Cleopatra, Anna and her partner aren’t the only couple feeling pressure to perform on trips away.
“There’s a lot of expectation,” she says. “There’s more time and you’re in beautiful surroundings. This makes couples feel that they don’t want it all to go to waste.”
Expectation versus realisation
While sex should never be considered a mandatory matinee and evening performance, Stringer stresses that sex on holidays is important as a way to connect with your partner.
“Sex releases oxytocin which is the feel good chemical,” Stringer says. “It’s important to have these moments on a holiday but it’s more important to remember that libidos vary and that each of us have different needs at different times.”
For that realisation to manifest, Stringer advises that you need to connect with yourself before you connect with each other.
Menage pour une
A few helping hands to get you in the mood.
From Left to Right: Be Genki Be Sensual Herbal Tea $22, Vanessa Megan Darling Natural Perfume $29.95, CK IN2U For Him $89.
The first step, according to Stringer, is to engage with your own sexuality. “Particularly women,” she says. “They need to feel sexy.”
This means getting out of your sweats and maintaining your personal upkeep..The second is to connect with your partner on a sexual level but not having sex.
“It’s about sensuality as opposed to sexuality,” Stringer says.
Massages, scents, visual stimulation. Anything that keeps you busy, without “getting busy.” If that isn’t enough, Stringer recommends a few natural remedies that can help relieve the anxiety of performance and get you in the mood.
The first is Maca
“Maca is really good for energy and stamina,” she says. “Take it in the morning to give you a lift and get you motivated and positive.”
The second is Damiana
“It’s good after a long day just to quiet you thoughts, feel more relaxed and get your passions rising.”
The third is Horny Goat Weed
“All three are historically-proven aphrodisiacs,” Stringer says. “They’ll also make you sensitive to touch and quieten your mind which can be a real mood killer.”
Finally, herbs and maintenance aside, the most important thing to remember on a holiday is that it is a holiday and there should be no pressure to perform.
“Only when the mood strikes,” says Stringer.
For that extra UMPH! The Cleopatra range, from Miracle Minded offers up ample product to help you get in the mood.
From Left to Right: Cleopatra Hot Chocolate (containing Maca), Love Potion (With a kick of Damiana) and Aphrodisiac Tea (Containing Damiana, Blue Lotus Flower and Horny Goat Weed), all $24.95 each.
*Names have been changed.