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Born in the U.S.A

Karryon’s guide to surviving the Labor Day weekend.

Karryon’s guide to surviving the Labor Day weekend.

Hurrah! The time has come for us to don our cowboy hats and tap a keg. Today we celebrate Labor Day. Well, not us Aussies really. Though, if you do have an American mate taking up residence on your couch or know of an expat in your neighbourhood, then it’s time to wave the stars and stripes and relish in all things truly American.

Quick-draw facts about Labor Day

Labor Day began in 1882 as a tribute to the achievements of the American Labor Day Movement who banded together and fought for better pay and work conditions.

It always falls on the first day of September so that every lucky U.S citizen gets a three-day weekend – no buts.

Nowadays, Labor Day means a lot of things to a lot of different people. The first day of fall. A nod to each and every working American. A paid day off. The start of end-of-summer-sales.

However, regardless of the holiday’s remixed definition, there are certain rules each and every American worth their salt follow when celebrating Labor Day. Rules that each and every Australian wanting to emulate their American counterparts should promote.

1.Engage in a Parade

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Labor Day isn’t the same without a legion of proud Americans, union members and everyone in between marching in procession down the main strip of  each and every state capital. The St. Louis Labor Day Parade is said to be a biggun’ this year. Its theme? “Unions built this city,” as a celebration of the strong union presence in St. Louis.

For the Australians rising home in grid-lock traffic, I suggest tooting your horn or waiting till you get home to complete laps around your living room drenched in red, blue and white body paint.

2. Never wear white

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Not wearing white after Labor Day, according to the super-rich and super bored housewives of America’s post-civil war upper-crust, was a way of distinguishing the wealthy from the “lowly” middle and lower classes.

While the elitism entrenched in this code of conduct is worthy of ridicule, the practice does harbour an air of practicality.

No one looks good in white during the cooler months. Don’t do it, unless looking like a hyperthermic swan was the look you were going for.

3. Cook some cow

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The Labor day BBQ is a tradition that is non-negotiable. Bragging about your meat’s marble score or cooking techniques? Completely optional and best avoided.

4. Drink Budweiser

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Because it would be un-American not to.

5. Drive a Cadillac

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Not a pink one, though. Unless you’re cool enough to pull it off like Clint Eastwood.

6. Watch a game of football

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And none of this fancy-footed soccer you Europeans are so obsessed about. Nor are we talking about rugby. We’re talking about good, old, American Grid Iron.

And if  you don’t wear your team’s jersey you may as well be living on the moon.

What will you be doing to celebrate Labor Day Weekend?