Screw it – I’m jumping on the bandwagon. With episode VII being released this week the Internet and merchandisers are going into Hyper drive trying to cash in on the noise – so count me in.

Like every other Star Wars nerd I’ve been catching up by watching one episode a night this past week; and I noticed something.

Star Wars is a story about travel… To a galaxy, far, far away.

Yeah, there’s a war between the Republic and the Rebels and some Jedi nonsense – but it’s also about experiencing other cultures, traversing the solar system to find beautiful lands and learning new things – like using The Force.

So if it’s about travel, then surely Luke, Darth and Leia should’ve consulted with their local Travel Agent before embarking on their intergalactic trips – but they didn’t – and that’s where they went wrong.


Luke grew up on Tatooine – a desert planet scorched by two suns. He was a lonely moisture farmer under the care of his aunt and uncle (and the watchful eye of Obi-wan Kenobi).

When some Imperial jerks killed his family he decided to leave abruptly and learn the ways of the Jedi – let’s call this University.

If Luke had popped in to see his Travel Agent first they might have persuaded him into doing a gap year on Naboo. He would have benefited from their love of arts, education and environmental preservation. He could have swum (for the first time) with Gungans and rode strange creatures over its supple grasslands.

He may have even met a nice local girl and struck up a holiday romance – surely this would’ve put a stop to his gross attraction to his sister.

Topdeck or Contiki would’ve offered the perfect itinerary to suit his needs.


Now onto Han – poor Han had a nice ship (in his mind) – the Millennium Falcon. The Falcon was plagued with problems, the deflector shield constantly went down, the Hyper drive was a joke and sometimes it didn’t even start.

Any good Travel Agent would’ve made sure that Han took out travel insurance before leaving the safety of the Mos Eisley Cantina. We’d consider a rental space-cruiser anyways since Jabba The Hutt staked claim on it.

I’m not sure if the droids would be fully covered unless they were locked in the boot – but all of the delays and cancellations due to mechanical faults would have been taken care of and then they probably wouldn’t have been captured in the first place.


Back to Luke – he left Hoth, a really, really cold ice planet – in a rush. He was meant to catch up with his mates in Bespin but took advantage of a free stopover in the Degobah System for an educational trip.

However – when he arrived, he had no maps, no SIM card, nowhere to park and no accommodation booked – so he lost his spaceship in a swamp and wandered aimlessly until he was pickpocketed by a dirty little gypsy called Yoda.

A Travel Agent would’ve booked him a room at the Hilton (with free parking), given him a SIM card so he could download maps and probably advised him to bring some gumboots since he was visiting in wet season.

Leia would’ve benefited the most from a few tips before travelling. First of all – she was fantastic at getting captured. A Travel Agent could’ve routed her via some safer galaxies instead of taking the most direct (and obvious) pathway through Imperial territories.


And her outfits – I mean some of them were just offensive. Maybe that whole metal bikini thing would fly on Alderaan – but she made some serious faux pas’ while flashing her flesh – and as a supposed ambassador she should have known better.

Onto old grumpy-pants Darth. Well this whole thing could have been avoided if he had taken that river cruise with Mrs Vader – but he “waited for a sale” and they missed out – should’ve booked it during Earlybirds… Or better yet, the film night their local agency invited them to.

Do you agree? Would the Star Wars movies looked different if they had had the help from Travel Agents?