O'Captain

The Australian Travel Industry is in crisis tonight after the announcement that the ‘last decent single straight guy in travel is leaving’.

With Tim from helloworld Adelaide City handing in his resignation to go and work at David Jones this week, National Kinship of Travel Bodies (NKOTB) front man, Danny, has announced, “We now can officially confirm what those in Australian travel have assumed for some time, there are indeed no more decent single straight guys in the industry.”

Tim said the burden of being the last decent single straight guy in the industry was just too much for him. “I felt like a piece of meat on display. I didn’t want this, I just wanted to sell travel like everyone else. Now, I just want to live a far less complicated existence, living with my dog”.

Tim smiling on his last day in Adelaide

Tim smiling on his last day in Adelaide

The reaction on various industry social media sites has not been kind, with one female travel agent commenting, “This is just so typical of a man. There’s no communication, you think everything is going well, and then just like that – they’re gone, with no phone call or email. And then you hear from a friend that he’s left, and he’s now selling marinated olives and overpriced feta cheese down at the David Jones Deli. I mean seriously?”.

According to NKOTB analyst, Danny, the makeup of the industry males post Tim’s departure will now be as follows:

– 20% of men identify themselves as in a committed marriage or relationship

– 11% of men identify themselves as in a marriage or relationship that just isn’t really committed

– 5% of men say “It’s Complicated”, whatever that means

– 30% of men identify themselves as being single and below the minimum standards of industry decency.

its-complicated

Said one former adventure travel BDM:

“Technically I was fired 3 months ago, don’t tell anybody, but I still pretend to do sales calls, morning trainings, and go to industry functions, because the travel industry is a gold mine for unattractive, obnoxious, idiots like me. I’d even pay to do this job!”

– 30% of men identify themselves as homosexual, bisexual or transsexual who would be married if they didn’t live in a human rights backwater like Australia

– 3% of men identify themselves as homosexual, bisexual or transsexual and “fabulous.”

– 2% of men identify themselves as a Creeper

– 1% of men identify themselves as somebody who will $%$% anything with a heartbeat

– 1% of men are just really, really bad with maths

Says one industry veteran, “Women in the industry always ask me if I have any decent single friends, and I say, ‘No, but I have plenty of indecent married ones.’  It makes me laugh, and feel sad at the same time.”

Women in the industry continue to prosper, are strong, inspiring, successful, and courageous leaders and have proven they don’t need a life partner in their lives.

But some have admitted, “somebody to pour my wine, fix things, massage my feet, pick me up and drop me off at the airport, and be a presentable plus one from time to time would be nice.”

What women want - KarryOn

Sarah Jessica Parker is said to be gobsmacked at the news

NKOTB Cultural Attaché Jordan suggests heterosexual women in travel looking to find a partner in travel will have either have to look off shore, lower their standards considerably, drink more or live in complete denial, and adds, “There’s never been a better time for women in travel to explore their own sexuality”.

A surprising development is the trend for female travel agents to chat up off shore call centre men to fill the void of single decent Aussie travel guys.

A cruise line’s “Men of Our Call Centre” Calendar has sold like hot cakes. “Brad,” “Chuck,” and “Alan” from Guatemala and “Angus,” “Davo,” and “Lucifer” from the Philippines are now in a very committed long distance (phone) relationship with Aussie women travel agents.

Meanwhile, NKOTB Marketing Manager Jonathon has begun campaigns nationally targeting young, single, straight males to join the travel industry and take advantage of the 10,000 to 1 ratio of lovely, single, hardworking, successful, independent, self-made, innovative, inspiring and with great senses of humour women.

firefighters

The ‘Men of our call centre’ calendar looks something like this, except with sailors

Additionally, NKOTB Communications Manager Joey has set up a hotline at 1900-MIXALOT for anyone to send out an alert if they see any new single, straight, decent guys in the industry.

Joey said, “We had a real exciting lead from Mandurah last week, but unfortunately the man in question was then seen wearing a Justin Beiber t-shirt, so we’re back to square one.”

Have we got it wrong? Are you or any of your friends a decent, single, straight guy in the industry? Are you in a committed relationship with an offshore call centre worker? Share your thoughts below.