Normally we’d be bringing you the world’s best hotel reviews – but given we’re pretty limited in our evaluating capacity right now, instead we’re bringing you some different types of properties. Like Brett Massingham’s place in Sydney.
Welcome to ‘Brett’s B&B’.
I’ve bunkered down in iso in the family-friendly suburb of Oatley in Sydney’s south.
Unfortunately, I cannot call it-self iso as it comes with a live-in family, my own. The lady who runs reception (my wife) is extremely strict and becomes very aggressive when called the concierge.
There are two other guests that seem to have the run of the house, small girls aged 6 & 8 (my daughters). Interestingly, the house also comes with a pet, the loveable Nala the Spoodle. She also seems to be in charge around here.
Check-in & beyond
On first impressions, the property has that ‘lived-in feel’. Overgrown lawns, lightbulbs out, screen doors need fixing. Not sure what the man of the house does round here but he seems not very handy!
I was greeted by Miss 6 at the door who hygienically opened the door using her elbow. I was suitably impressed. However, I must note, 5 minutes later I caught her with the TV remote in her mouth.
The rooms have a number of quirky names. My newly relocated office (at least until shutdown happens) for some reason is called the ‘Toy Room”. The kid’s classroom is called ‘Dining Table’, and the backyard is named the ‘Playground”. Funnily enough, no matter how many time I try, the ‘workbench’ hasn’t caught on as an alternative name for the bedroom.
I spend most of my time at this property in the ‘Toy Room” which overlooks the very green playground. There is quite a nice ambiance in the room and I listen to the sounds of local birds and the incessant piano practice by the 7-year-old neighbour. Talk about a one-trick pony!
The balcony overlooks the street and I sometimes wait there hoping of some social interaction with surrounding neighbours. I find myself waving to everyone and anyone that happens to walk past. Due to this, I’m pretty sure our house is now being avoided on neighbourhood walks.
At night I relocate to the bedroom with the lady from reception. It is only now that I notice how well this place is at social distancing. I drift off to the sounds of ‘why can’t we just have Jacinta’ and ‘just get on with a full lockdown’.
After a peaceful sleep, I wake up in the morning to a knee to the midriff. Miss 6 looks like she’s the alarm clock in this establishment.
Food & drinks
The food situation is quite interesting in this B&B (I think it should just be called a B). It was made quite clear that there is definitely no room service of any kind. I would recommend any future guest do not ask this question.
Breakfast is a help-yourself option (no menu). It seems as though you are also responsible for the breakfasts of Miss 6 and Miss 8… and my word they can be demanding and more than happy to offer up feedback.
Housekeeping also has seemed to have taken some time off, future guests I’d advise in washing up after yourself as leaving my plates outside my door did not go down too well!
The playground has a great obstacle course. The aim is the dodge the deposits left by the before mentioned Spoodle, which is easier said than done.
Is this place for everyone… I sincerely hope I’m the only regular visitor! Think of it my like a kids holiday camp, where you prepare your own meals, wash up yourself and kids pretty much do what they want.
To be honest though if I have to be isolated, I’d choose these 3 anytime. They can brighten up any dark day.
Have an extended day booked at a hotel of your own? Feel free to send us your write up for our new self-isolation review series at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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